selfish vs. selfless vs. neither

i find people like to use selfish and selfless as opposites of one another, but they are not opposites. there is a reason why people think selfish people can be more caring than selfless people, and that is because the real difference is in the fact if you care or not, and for who more than who.

if you are selfish, you care for yourself more than others. you also care to not surround yourself around people who are't good for you, but at the same time, there shouldn't be a reason to leave people behind. wanting to improve those around you and helping that person to help themselves though doesn't always come across as help. sometimes it can be hard to listen and to be listened to, and sometimes you have to just focus on yourself and not spread that thin. you cannot control people, but only teach what you know.

there is a reason why they say to put the oxygen mask for yourself before others in a falling plane. you cannot truly help others if you aren't in the position to, otherwise you'll help nobody at all. to help others first in a position like this, an easy example is a child, there is a chance they might knock off the mask, and say you've lost oxygen and passed out, now you've both passed out. if you help yourself first, you can help the child and more, the mask falls off, you can help again, and it's a greater chance of survival for the both of you. now say another situation is the mask doesn't get knocked off, but now the child doesn't have a mother and is now put into the system. we can make a story from here, but the point is, if there is no you first, you can not do anything for others, regardless of what the outcome might be.

this is where we lean into selflessness. it is to care for others more than yourself to a point of sacrifice, and it is not just you that is lost, it is a child who lost a parent too. from selflessness, we enter a domino effect of sacrifice and loss that is hard to stop and overcome. it is from wanting to help, but not having the actual plan or knowledge to, and that intention can be great, while nothing good really comes from it.

the true opposite of these two acts of caring, it is to not care. to not care for yourself or for others. to not improve yourself from either some dunning kruger state of thinking you've reached the ultimate version of yourself when that is actually the exact moment, you've lost yourself. you stop learning, you stop improving, and you stopped caring for yourself and for others.

never allow yourself to stop caring for others, but most importantly, put yourself first, because only you can help yourself, and that is the only way you can care for the people around you.